Aware
by Khait Khepri
Summary: It was strange how much she was aware of him. It was why she had to be continuously on guard against her mouth, against her mind, against her desires. After all, so long as they were in the military, superior and subordinate, she could not allow herself to give into that awareness. (Royai, One-Shot) Between 'Behind the House' & 'In the Rose Garden'. Stand alone.


Title: Aware

Summary: It was strange how much she was aware of him. It was why she had to be continuously on guard against her mouth, against her mind, against her desires. After all, so long as they were in the military, superior and subordinate, she could not allow herself to give into that awareness. (Royai, Manga compliant, One-Shot) Between 'Behind the House' & 'In the Rose Garden'. Stand alone.

Rating: T

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Riza Hawkeye had only ever had one love. It was as simple as that. She'd only ever loved _one_ person in their entirety. Oh, she'd had a few crushes here and there, silly little girl things that meant little in the long run, and she'd loved her father even if he had frightened her. She loved, yes… but there was only one person she'd ever been _in_ love with.

And that one person she was unnaturally aware of. Every moment of every day she spent near him, she was so very aware of him. Her hands ached to twitch those strands from his eyes and her mind often wandered to that one sweet night before she'd entered the academy just after her father's death. She loved the sound of his voice and the way he moved, his drive and his passions, his gentlemanly nature and his aloof attitudes.

The sniper was also aware of his bad habits, ones she understood but didn't like overmuch. His wining and dining of copious women in his spy network, his tendency towards drinking, his slacker tendencies, and his ability to be diverted like a child from the tasks set to him. Oh, the list went on and on. She could list many other things that drove her mad. His bad habit to ream out his ear with a pinky and flick the resulting waxy residue away without searching for a wastebasket, his taunting smirk (that sometimes thrilled her, too), his deliberate provocations towards the Elrics, his rather vocal mentions about women wearing miniskirts in the military, his bad habit of procrastinating and sleeping at the office in order to make up for lost time, his arrogance…

His annoying habit of not cleaning up after himself… You'd think a military man would respect the neat ordinance drilled into them but the Colonel was not… He was hardly an exemplary housekeep. It was proven in his maintenance of his desk and the fact she'd once been to his apartment and had found it to be untidy.

Oh, there were many things that Roy Mustang was… and despite all his shortcomings, Riza had to admit she loved him. She just refused to say it out loud. She refused to hint at it, steeling herself every morning to face her love without being able to tell him as much. Oh, she was certain he knew. She was certain the others of their office knew…

But she had to remain on guard…

"That will be all, First Lieutenant."

And so did he.

Taking the folder of completed documents, she nodded curtly with a simple, "Yes, sir." It was of small matter to ferry the documents within to their respectful places and then she was back within reaching distance of him.

Where she could see him. Where she could _smell_ him.

Oh, she loved his smell… Ozone and fire, smoke and whiskey, that masculine scent that was uniquely him beneath all that… He even wore that cologne he knew she had liked since she was quite young, adding to and weaving neatly with that wonderful smell of him. It was completely and utterly not fair.

Even as her internal monologue and her much softer, gentler attitude remained behind a stern edifice of careful consideration, she knew he saw what was inside her. He was too clever to not see under her mask. He knew her far too well. Knew that girl from his Master's house still was hopelessly in love though she was tough enough to hide it and stern enough to keep it firmly in line. And he showed he knew it, too. It happened every time he passed a folder off or spoke to her. He never met her eyes when he called her title. Neither did she when she spoke his. Not unless they needed to communicate something by looks alone. It was always deferential. It was always polite.

She could not show her true feelings. He could not show his. Not so long as she was the subordinate and he her superior officer. And there would be no two ways of it. They would never trade places. Because she would always be supporting him, urging him onwards, protecting his back… and ready to bring him down if he became a monster that strayed from the path he'd set himself on.

Their work day progressed swiftly and silently, honestly, and there was no doubt that he was sneaking glances at her. His eyes were something that made her skin twitch under their gaze and she always was so very careful to not allow that twitch become something more. Eventually, Breda and Havoc split off. Seventeen hundred hours had come, after all. And Falman was soon following along even as Fuery did some last minute things. There was a cheery 'goodnight!' from the good man and suddenly Riza realized she was alone…

…With him.

Keeping her eyes fixed to her work, she continued writing on the piece of paper before her. Some requisition, honestly, and boring. Something she could do in her sleep. It was between one line and the next that she suddenly became _aware_ he was not working.

And she looked up. Against her better judgment, she looked up. He watched her, eyes assessing and silent. His hands were folded before him with elbows resting on the desk, fingers woven together, his mouth undoubtedly pressed against his thumbs. She sat there, watching him watch her.

Oh, she wanted him and she could see he wanted her.

But their chosen paths…

Dropping her gaze to her work, she continued writing.

"First Lieutenant," he murmured, urging her to bring her gaze up.

"Sir?"

Another moment. He sighed and shuffled some papers before standing. "I'll be leaving now."

She watched him move and watched as he crossed to the door. "You finished your paperwork, sir?"

"All that's due tomorrow, yes," he told her, pausing in his passage. He stopped right before her desk and eyed her carefully. This was the only time they could 'speak' and even then they could not speak truly.

"Then have a good evening, sir." As she lifted her hand to continue the last part of her paperwork, she was surprised when he reached out and tapped a finger on the back of the appendage. Looking up, she saw the smile there. A warm yet wry, bitter smile. A man that loved… and a man that mocked himself for it. She knew he thought himself not good enough for her. He was a fool…

But he was her fool.

"You too, First Lieutenant. Don't work too late. Need you bright eyed tomorrow. I hear there's supposed to be a lot of work coming in." She arched a brow, taking the bait.

"Of everyone in this office, I think we should be most concerned about you." He chuckled, withdrawing his hand and leaving behind a spot she swore tingled. "Do not be late, sir."

"Of course not," he said smoothly. And then he left. Riza did not do anything more than sit there until the door firmly shut and she lifted her hand to look at the place where he'd touched. There was nothing visually different, of course, but it reminded her of another time where he'd skimmed his hand alongside hers, taking it gently and kissing it in that exact same spot. The skin tingled more.

And, then, carefully she took up her emotions and put them back where they would be hidden from everyone…

Except him.

How she detested at times being so aware of him.

She knew it was ridiculous that she felt the weight of the burn scars he'd inflicted on her. She knew it to be ridiculous to think she felt the weight of the ink her father had tattooed to her back and marred by those scars upon her request. She knew her awareness was verging an obsession.

And she wished, so very much _wished_, that he would get his head on straight and ask her to leave the military. To leave the spot behind him and to take the spot next to him. But he wouldn't He wouldn't and that was why she was most aggravated with him. It wasn't because he was annoying or cocksure or arrogant.

It was because he wouldn't ask… so long as there was a goal, so long as he needed her to ensure he didn't fall off his path, so long as…

Carefully she locked the door on her emotions, straightened her paperwork, and stood. There was time to do this tomorrow and Black Hayate was waiting for her.

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Author's Note: I cannot get enough of Royai. Plain and simple. They are way too amazing. That level of dedication… And how stupid they are… They are insanely stupid. Entire series.


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